Wednesday, July 6, 2011

My Ideal Backyard Baseball Team

My favorite childhood video game, along with 85% of the world, was Backyard Baseball (Presented by Humungous Entertainment).   After uncovering the CD-Rom only equipped to play on Windows... not Windows 2000, not Windows 7 or Windows XP, simply Windows, I decided to put together the dream team of these sandlot sluggersThis isn't necessarily the "best" possible team, rather a team that can enjoy a summer of camaraderie and curve balls together as one.  I call them the Silly Wombats.





Catcher: #55 Kenny Kawaguchi 

Backyard Bio:
Kenny is Vicki’s older brother. His main attraction is that he is in a wheelchair. He has his own radio station, KNNY, which he programs with Barry DeJay. He is the only handicapped player on the series.


My Take:
Kenny is a class act on and off the field.  If Kenny can handle the adversity of being handicapped, I'm sure he can command the Wombats pitching staff.  I don't expect much offensive production, but his leadership and humility keeps the team grounded.  We have also worked out an agreement that he must bring his sister, Vicki Kawaguchi to all home games for no other reason than eye candy.


1st Base: #11 Ernie Steele

Backyard Bio: 
Big Ernie loves to tell jokes and do imitations. He’s also quite adept at performing magic tricks. Ernie can be a little awkward and gangly at times, but if he learned to tap into his hidden athleticism more, he could dominate on the field. He's 5 and a half feet tall, but he's only 10 years old.



My Take:
Ernie has more potential than the vacant lot on Hey Arnold!  Ernie's big frame will fit perfect at First for the Wombats.  Do I expect him to bat .300?  No, not really.  But I do expect to see him take some strides (and long ones at that) throughout the season.  Ernie's parents are pushing basketball upon young Ernie, but for now he is committed to the Wombat way of life.  Steele keeps the mood in the clubhouse light with his never ending puns.



2nd Base: #24 Dante Robinson

Backyard Bio:
Dante is a ball of energy. His metabolism runs high, so food is always on his mind. He loves to goof off with his best friend, Reese, who keeps him constantly entertained.


My Take:
Quick hands, energy and chronic hunger are the 3 main tools that make Dante a no-brainer for the Wombats.  Dante always keeps snacks on deck.  He has tendency to get PB & J on all the team equipment, but we can accommodate.  Dante has a mini fro and an appetite for 2-out hits.  Dante's metabolism is out of this world.  He scarfs down multiple hot dogs in between innings, but still sports a fit physique.


Shortshop: #1 Pablo Sanchez


Backyard Bio:
Pablo is the best player of the backyard kids. On top of regularly leading the league in home runs, OPS, walks he always led the league in style. Pablo never shies away from taking the leadership role and offering words of encouragement when necessary.


My Take:
Let's cut to the chase, I don't like Pablo.  I don't like the way he shows up 15 minutes late to games in his parent's mini-van, I don't like that his mother shrinks all his 100% cotton shirts so that his belly hangs out and I most definitely don't like that he needs a translator in the dugout.  But I will accept the baggage if he gives me the numbers he's capable of... Plus, he's on the cover of the game.  Pablo Sanchez may go down as one of the best athletes of all time.


Third Base: #33 Marky Dubois


Backyard Bio:
Marky Dubois is a bit of a “country bumpkin” who can be a little naïve and gullible at times. He was home schooled and isn’t too street-smart, but is a good natured kid who reaches out to the other kids. He can be somewhat gawky on the field but plays hard and knows how to hustle. He never wears shoes or socks, and loves to play with pigs in the mud. He loves bringing his pet frog to games, and his new shoes and socks are quite rugged.


My Take:
Marky isn't afraid to get his hands dirty and isn't particularly scared of commitment either, which makes his more than qualified for the hot corner.  The plan is to not overwhelm Marky with tall tasks, rather his objectives will be: Get on base, bring ample sunflower seeds for the team and just win baby, win.  I talked to the Backyard Baseball League (BBL) commishioner about the dress code, and he will waive the clause and make an exception for Marky to wear overalls.


Left Field: #2 Reese Worthington Jr.


Backyard Bio:
Reese is the class clown and energetic prankster who loves to be in the spotlight. Although he might get on some of the other kids’ nerves, his best friend Dante loves his jokes. Reese may not be the most impressive in terms of athletic ability, but he does tend to pull off some very impressive lucky plays every now and then. He also has asthma and is seen using an inhaler in early games


My Take:  
Not thrilled about picking Reese here, but Dante is my favorite player and I met his demands.  Reese is a snob.  The only positive I can find for having Reese on the squad is that his father, Reese Worthington Sr. pulled some strings to get us a TV deal with Univisoin.  Putting up with Reese's attitude will make for a long summer. 


Center Field: #9 Pete Wheeler

Backyard Bio:
Pete "Wheels" Wheeler may not seem like the brightest bulb, and is always passing out due to lack of sleep. However he is widely regarded as the fastest kid around, making him pretty popular to any team. He just tends to space out every once in a while.


My Take:
Pete is dumber than a box of rocks, but the boy runs like a Kenyan.  You will find Pete's name scribbled in the #1 slot of all my line-up cards.  All Pete needs to do is put the ball in play, and he will be successful for the Wombats.   Pete & Pablo plan to reek havoc at the top of the order.



Right Field: #40 Dmitri Petrovich

Backyard Bio:
Dmitri Petrovich loves calculations, and enjoys sports because of their relationship to math and physics. He spends much of his free time inventing all kinds of contraptions with his dad. He has an amazing memory, mainly due to his "simple mnemonic system.


My Take: 
This pick was simple.  Dmitri is nicknamed, "The Machine", not because of his Pujolsian ability, but his computerlike intelligence.  Another main reason I picked him is because the Wombat organization runs on a strict budget funded by player's allowances, and it was just financially smart to have our Right Fielder double as the team statistician.  Don't overlook the fact that Dmitri is husky- in this league, the well fed finish first.


Pitcher: #22 Kiesha Phillips

Backyard Bio: 
Kiesha is taller, stronger, and bigger than most of her peers, and is a dominating presence in any game. She is full of life and positive energy, and likes to tell jokes.


My Take:
Gotta love what KP brings to the mound: Thick thighs, no felonies and an mean streak Warren Sapp would envy.  She matured much earlier than the rest of the backyard kids, which is great because the lead doesn't test for steroids or arm pit hair.  Kiesha will be our workhorse, she knows we expect her to pitch late into games.  KP is no slouch at the dish either.  Her power numbers should place her right around the top of the BBL.

Opening Day Line-Up: Silly Wombats
1. Pete Wheeler
2. Dante Robinson
3. Pablo Sanchez
4. Kiesha Phillips
5. Ernie Steele
6. Dmitri Petrovich
7. Marky Dubois
8. Kenny Kawaguchi
9. Reese Worthington




Please feel free to disagree with my squad.  If you have an ideal team, please post it in the comment box.